Early Retirement?

I love being a Thief. A lot. But it seems it might be up for early retirement already. Why? Did I find another new flavor of the month? Not this time. No, the reason stands at the very opposite end of the spectrum than that for my usual job wagon jumping.

...I felt useless.

Last night started off as usual. We began with assaults, followed by a Salvage run, both of which I was definitely more useful as a bone-crusher than a throat-slasher. But then, I knew Dynamis would be my time to shine... until a series of deceptions struck me down.

I studied the maps for pulling Dynamis-Beaucedine prior to the event. I love to study route and pulling orders so I can be mostly prepared for what I was about to face. Alas, a group decided to forego procedure and went into that Dynamis in spite of our group having it called a month ahead of time. That group's leader went as far as calling us swines for complaining that he decided to destroy our planned run for his own, small, random-picked-up group's benefit.

Next, we decided to go for a Dynamis-Jeuno run, seeing no one had called it out for our scheduled run's time, thus the transposition wasn't going to harm any other group. However, I wasn't ready to pull that run, so I asked Mei-chan if I could have someone calling in the shots for me. I was initally told that Ketsuchi would be coaching me. That got retrograded to me watching Drfeelgood do his thing. And as I watched, I saw how much more professional he was, and how I was a long way from ever becoming that good.

But that wasn't the final nail in my coffin, oh no. My biggest gripe came from someone else in my immediate group that kept complaining about Dr's pulling, someone who's opinion I do value. Left and right, that person found flaws in his methods, criticized openly to our small group each and every action he undertook. So, by transposition, I wouldn't have liked to know what that person had to say about my pulling behind my back, were I not part of our small group.

Add to all that the fact we had 5 Thieves in last night's run.... All of which examined me at some point during the run... And yeah... I felt as useful as a nail planted deeply in my foot. As we were pulling the boss of that Dynamis zone, I looked at my knives, and how little use they were, especially my Thief's Knife, considering there were better Thieves in our group that were more aptly geared and experienced for trying to acquire more currency and relic armor than I would ever be.

It saddens me deeply, all of this. I'm starting to feel there is no job whatsoever that I can bring to those Dynamis runs that'll be more useful than my old dusty Bard. I'm pretty much stuck in that role... if I keep going to those events. I'm having a hard time managing that schedule as it is, especially last night with my head throbbing from my yearning for slumber. There isn't much I really desire to acquire from those events, getting relic armor merely being icing on the cake, cake which initially was supposed to be the event itself.

Now the cake has a very sour and dry taste in my mouth, and the icing isn't sufficient to compensate for that. I realize how pitiful a puller I really am in the shade of some other attendees, and how even those experienced pullers aren't sufficiently satisfying for some members of our group. And quitting Dynamis means my Thief career loses 80% of its usefulness to my eyes.

...I'll probably have a talk with Mei-chan first before I decide to sell back my gear. It feels like such a waste after investing myself so much into it. I guess I'm stuck being a Monk for the rest of my life.